Pictures of 2009

Well it's still really cold here today and I couldn't let that deter me! I'm suffering from some major "cabin fever" here, so we all (Mom, Kodi and I) went to get our pictures taken. Boy did we have fun. Enjoy!

And then....

And then our FREAKIN STUPID RIDICULOUS neighbors turn their DEVIL children lose until 1am to run around and pound on the floors and walls because they are a bunch of ridiculous stupid idiots!

I HATE NEIGHBORS!!!!

Stress Time = Bed Time

Okay, now this is just going to sound weird. But babies bed time is around 8pm every night. 

It never fails, when I put her down after changed, bathed and fed she cries for 30-45 minutes EVERY FREAKIN NIGHT. I sit down here listening to her crying going; 

I could:

a.) Pick her up and let her fuss down here (in the living room) cause she's so exhausted

b.) Pick her up, piss her off even more and then put her down

c.) Peek in on her, chance her "seeing" me, louder screaming ensues

d.) Let her cry and feel like a total jack ass

Now you're probably wondering why I'm posting this in my "food" blog. Well here's why... during this time I'm stressing out so bad I'm pacing around looking for something to calm me down. Usually that is food, but I do my best to stay out of the kitchen to avoid that. Say I make it and she finally FINALLY goes down, by the time I rush down stairs relieved that I can finally have some time for myself (more guilt ensues) I'm ready for some "celebration" AKA = FOOD. 

Jeez I have to find something to turn "BED TIME" AKA "STRESS TIME" into anything but stress time. 

Help, any ideas?

I feel...

Wow. I feel WAY better today. I made myself some cauliflower salad, turkey burgers with tomato's, eggs and sausage and I think I"ll have moose burgers (steaks) and fresh broccoli (or however the heck you spell it) for dinner.

And maybe some chocolate mousse for dessert. Yum. I love Atkins. 

Induction

Well I'm back on Atkins induction. This has been really the only "diet" plan that has helped me to reduce cravings and to lower calories without being miserable. 

The thing I am struggling with mainly is my sugar addiction (again) and this leading to binges. I find that when I eat any sugar at all it tumbles into a HUGE massive food intake. I don't really have this addiction to wheat which is odd. I could go without wheat easily. Hmmm. Food for thought I suppose.

So for now I'm doing induction. These past few days I haven't been tracking my calories exactly, just trying to get control of cravings. After a week or so I'll be tracking calories again to see if I can stick to the macros that MariAnne laid out for me. 

I'm finding that I'm still eating (or having the urge to be) during the day a LOT. So I'm having to use some serious self control while (or before) ketosis sets in.

That's where I'm at for now. I'm also not weighing. I took my measurements  the other day just to track but one thing I HATE about measurements is that I can never get it totally accurate. So when I re-measure, my numbers are higher or lower or the same....

blah.

Tenacity of just plain stupidity?

I'm unclear at this point. I know that to "aire is human", but I "aire" all the freakin time. 

But does this just make me human, or a failure? 

I know that getting back up after failing is good. Better than just giving up I know but WHY can't I stop in the middle of what I'm doing and get back on track? Why must I throw in the towel and keep shoving crap in my mouth. 

Dear Lord Help me! 

I'm to the point that I don't give a crap what people think about me in this area. I may post and no one may answer but dangit at least I"m posting. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I can't do it, because no matter the reason I'm gonna get there. 

Where ever the heck "there" is. 

It's ON!

Ok...no more screwing around. I've HAD IT! And I'm not pissed, just simply determined to get this weight off my ars, if you know what I mean.

Dan got me a big George Foreman AND a rotisserie for Christmas so I have absolutely no reason as to why I shouldn't have meals planned for my day every Sunday. 

So my goal thus far is 3 weeks clean eating, no sugar, or fruit. (I've had enough of that crap these last few weeks to last me through the next year.) After the 3 weeks we'll reassess and go from there. 

So far I'm pretty impressed. Today was GREAT! I was able to stick to my "bag-o-food" and am finding new stuff out about me along the way. 

1.) Don't have a problem with food for the first 2/3 of the day 

(The late night is what my problem is!!)

2.) I need to be able to have enough calories and / or a really "filling" item to stuff my face with right before I hit the sack. 

3.) I need to stay out of the kitchen when I'm not eating. 

(this is a no-brainer but you see how long this has taken me to figure it out!! :)   ) 

4.) I have to make enough food for baby AND me when I'm eating. 

I get this, "I'm on a diet, freak out mode" thing going, so when I'm eating my "food" I don't want to share, if you know what I mean. Wow, did that just sound as bad as I thought it did? Yeah. Oops.

5.) Seeing other people around me losing weight is GOOD for me! 

This sounds stupid BUT, man my competitive nature certainly kicks in and I get PISSED. In a good way of course.

6.) Water WATER WATER!!!! 

Need I say more?

So, this whole thing was prompted by my gorges stepdaughter losing weight and also my Mother, who candidly hands me her jeans that she doesn't need anymore because they are "too big". Ug. 

Get this train a moving!

One day down and 3 more weeks to go!!