Lifting Routine

Well so far, here is what I have. I'm waiting for my bench to be set up currently so that I can do more presses and rows and such but for now I'm doing what I can.

Cleans 3x8

Squats 3x8

SHELC 3x8

Standing Good Mornings 3x8

Curls 3x8

Abs 3x8

And of course all are done as heavy as I can.

I'm not being as hard as I probably should making myself do cardio but like MariAnne Says, "busting ass won't show, DIET will!"

So I'm working on keeping my macros within my limits more than anything. Lets just say it takes planning. And we all know how well I am with "planning"

Talk soon.

Building Training

I'm putting together a workout for me, 3 x per week. I was doing BUILT'S full body but am a bit unable to because of the lack of equipment here at home. I'll post it up when I'm done.

Chow.

I've got four words for ya...

Chinese food is bad

There is no such thing of portion control with that nasty stuff. 

*making note to self*

First Real Test

I had my first 'real test' today. My first real bout with stress, freaking out and just out-right "STUFF my FACE NOW!!!" mentality. 

(Note: You may think that I'm over-reacting but all these stupid post pardum emotions and the depression that swings from one end to the other is VERY hard to deal with sometimes.)

Because Kodi switches between caregivers during my husbands time off, she is used to so many different "norms". Currently she is refusing the bottle and the boob somewhat, so it seems as though she is trying to wean.

For most of you this is no huge deal but for a first time Mommie who just wants her baby to "need" her. This is huge. I bawled and bawled because just one more thing on top of the already growing crap I am dealing with made my world feel like it was caving in. 

I won't go into all the ridiculous details of my menial life, but just to say that my "first real test" was when my gut was to jump up from my chair at work, tears in my eyes, heading for the cafeteria to stuff my face with the first thing I could-get-my-hands-on, came up a win-win for me when I calmed down and thought about the bigger picture. 

I want to be in better shape, NO, amazing shape! So I can keep up with Kodi as she grows, so I can run races with her and teach her how to take care of her body. I had to stop and tell myself it wasn't worth it. 

And it worked, for this time. But that's all I can hope for right? I may not win every battle but I darn well will win the WAR!

Got Built?

Ok. I KNOW I can do this right??

I have this trainer that I met online and she has been helping me with my diet.
I keep bucking against tracking calories, but if I must, I must. My newest goal at this point is carb cycling but really STICKING to my DIET! My macros are 1729, for off training days and 2100 for when I lift.
I finally talked my husband into letting me get some weights! I have a bench, weighted plates up to 20lbs, treadmill and some adjustable barbells. I am so freakin excited, I want to lose the weight and I want to feel great about myself! No more EXCUSES.

Lord I just thank you for empowering my to accomplish my goals.


It's not "all or nothing" because with that mantra in mind, I've failed miserably time and time again. If I fail, I will get back up and try again. I can do this. With you God I can do this.


Here's MariAnne's blog if your interested, her research is pretty interesting it's just taking the time to go through all of it that I have a hard time with. http://builtblog.wikibody.com


I met MariAnne, AKA = BUILT down in Canada in October and we were able to train together. Fun times I tell ya. Anyways...back to work. If you have time check out my other "home" http://www.beyondlowcarb.net/ I love going here, there is so much info and I have some great friends and resources here.




Oh yeah and here is my motivation picture! I can't believe someone so small can lift SO much.
Oh, and MariAnne, if your reading this I don't mean I think you're "small", but you know most people think if you're training with heavy weights that even women get HUGE. Common misconception of course. :)

The "Look"

Yes. I'm talking about the "look". You know the one you get when you are in the kitchen eating AGAIN and aren't hungry. You do the "O.k. am I a.) hungry? b.) bored c.) pissed?" It's always one or the other and yet I'm still stuffing my face! 

People tell me, "ANY one can stop eating!!" Well sure, but when is good enough, not "good enough". Who are you to judge me?

If I can't measure up to my own "goodness" I'm pretty well dang sure I don't measure up to yours! So do me a favor and buzz off. 

To be or not to be

For as long as I can remember, I've always struggled with my weight.

It's like never-ending turmoil within my soul.

I've gone through diet after diet, some work, some don't.

Always thinking, "If I can conquer this, I will like myself!" or

"I won't care what people think about me." So far, neither one of these

things has worked, or helped me out.

People say all that matters is what is inside, but when was the last time

you saw people look around and judge people by their insides. I pray that 

one day I won't care about things like this and that I will be content and happy.

I feel like I'm going about this completely wrong, that I'm treating the effect

and not the "cause". But I'm so lost I have no idea where to go. I've prayed to God

to help me, help me understand why I stuff my face past satisfied, why I don't really 

care what I look like anymore and the fact that when I lose weight and get all the 

attention I so gravely desire, I don't like me then either.