Induction

Well I'm back on Atkins induction. This has been really the only "diet" plan that has helped me to reduce cravings and to lower calories without being miserable. 

The thing I am struggling with mainly is my sugar addiction (again) and this leading to binges. I find that when I eat any sugar at all it tumbles into a HUGE massive food intake. I don't really have this addiction to wheat which is odd. I could go without wheat easily. Hmmm. Food for thought I suppose.

So for now I'm doing induction. These past few days I haven't been tracking my calories exactly, just trying to get control of cravings. After a week or so I'll be tracking calories again to see if I can stick to the macros that MariAnne laid out for me. 

I'm finding that I'm still eating (or having the urge to be) during the day a LOT. So I'm having to use some serious self control while (or before) ketosis sets in.

That's where I'm at for now. I'm also not weighing. I took my measurements  the other day just to track but one thing I HATE about measurements is that I can never get it totally accurate. So when I re-measure, my numbers are higher or lower or the same....

blah.

Tenacity of just plain stupidity?

I'm unclear at this point. I know that to "aire is human", but I "aire" all the freakin time. 

But does this just make me human, or a failure? 

I know that getting back up after failing is good. Better than just giving up I know but WHY can't I stop in the middle of what I'm doing and get back on track? Why must I throw in the towel and keep shoving crap in my mouth. 

Dear Lord Help me! 

I'm to the point that I don't give a crap what people think about me in this area. I may post and no one may answer but dangit at least I"m posting. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I can't do it, because no matter the reason I'm gonna get there. 

Where ever the heck "there" is. 

It's ON!

Ok...no more screwing around. I've HAD IT! And I'm not pissed, just simply determined to get this weight off my ars, if you know what I mean.

Dan got me a big George Foreman AND a rotisserie for Christmas so I have absolutely no reason as to why I shouldn't have meals planned for my day every Sunday. 

So my goal thus far is 3 weeks clean eating, no sugar, or fruit. (I've had enough of that crap these last few weeks to last me through the next year.) After the 3 weeks we'll reassess and go from there. 

So far I'm pretty impressed. Today was GREAT! I was able to stick to my "bag-o-food" and am finding new stuff out about me along the way. 

1.) Don't have a problem with food for the first 2/3 of the day 

(The late night is what my problem is!!)

2.) I need to be able to have enough calories and / or a really "filling" item to stuff my face with right before I hit the sack. 

3.) I need to stay out of the kitchen when I'm not eating. 

(this is a no-brainer but you see how long this has taken me to figure it out!! :)   ) 

4.) I have to make enough food for baby AND me when I'm eating. 

I get this, "I'm on a diet, freak out mode" thing going, so when I'm eating my "food" I don't want to share, if you know what I mean. Wow, did that just sound as bad as I thought it did? Yeah. Oops.

5.) Seeing other people around me losing weight is GOOD for me! 

This sounds stupid BUT, man my competitive nature certainly kicks in and I get PISSED. In a good way of course.

6.) Water WATER WATER!!!! 

Need I say more?

So, this whole thing was prompted by my gorges stepdaughter losing weight and also my Mother, who candidly hands me her jeans that she doesn't need anymore because they are "too big". Ug. 

Get this train a moving!

One day down and 3 more weeks to go!!

Lifting Routine

Well so far, here is what I have. I'm waiting for my bench to be set up currently so that I can do more presses and rows and such but for now I'm doing what I can.

Cleans 3x8

Squats 3x8

SHELC 3x8

Standing Good Mornings 3x8

Curls 3x8

Abs 3x8

And of course all are done as heavy as I can.

I'm not being as hard as I probably should making myself do cardio but like MariAnne Says, "busting ass won't show, DIET will!"

So I'm working on keeping my macros within my limits more than anything. Lets just say it takes planning. And we all know how well I am with "planning"

Talk soon.

Building Training

I'm putting together a workout for me, 3 x per week. I was doing BUILT'S full body but am a bit unable to because of the lack of equipment here at home. I'll post it up when I'm done.

Chow.

I've got four words for ya...

Chinese food is bad

There is no such thing of portion control with that nasty stuff. 

*making note to self*

First Real Test

I had my first 'real test' today. My first real bout with stress, freaking out and just out-right "STUFF my FACE NOW!!!" mentality. 

(Note: You may think that I'm over-reacting but all these stupid post pardum emotions and the depression that swings from one end to the other is VERY hard to deal with sometimes.)

Because Kodi switches between caregivers during my husbands time off, she is used to so many different "norms". Currently she is refusing the bottle and the boob somewhat, so it seems as though she is trying to wean.

For most of you this is no huge deal but for a first time Mommie who just wants her baby to "need" her. This is huge. I bawled and bawled because just one more thing on top of the already growing crap I am dealing with made my world feel like it was caving in. 

I won't go into all the ridiculous details of my menial life, but just to say that my "first real test" was when my gut was to jump up from my chair at work, tears in my eyes, heading for the cafeteria to stuff my face with the first thing I could-get-my-hands-on, came up a win-win for me when I calmed down and thought about the bigger picture. 

I want to be in better shape, NO, amazing shape! So I can keep up with Kodi as she grows, so I can run races with her and teach her how to take care of her body. I had to stop and tell myself it wasn't worth it. 

And it worked, for this time. But that's all I can hope for right? I may not win every battle but I darn well will win the WAR!

Got Built?

Ok. I KNOW I can do this right??

I have this trainer that I met online and she has been helping me with my diet.
I keep bucking against tracking calories, but if I must, I must. My newest goal at this point is carb cycling but really STICKING to my DIET! My macros are 1729, for off training days and 2100 for when I lift.
I finally talked my husband into letting me get some weights! I have a bench, weighted plates up to 20lbs, treadmill and some adjustable barbells. I am so freakin excited, I want to lose the weight and I want to feel great about myself! No more EXCUSES.

Lord I just thank you for empowering my to accomplish my goals.


It's not "all or nothing" because with that mantra in mind, I've failed miserably time and time again. If I fail, I will get back up and try again. I can do this. With you God I can do this.


Here's MariAnne's blog if your interested, her research is pretty interesting it's just taking the time to go through all of it that I have a hard time with. http://builtblog.wikibody.com


I met MariAnne, AKA = BUILT down in Canada in October and we were able to train together. Fun times I tell ya. Anyways...back to work. If you have time check out my other "home" http://www.beyondlowcarb.net/ I love going here, there is so much info and I have some great friends and resources here.




Oh yeah and here is my motivation picture! I can't believe someone so small can lift SO much.
Oh, and MariAnne, if your reading this I don't mean I think you're "small", but you know most people think if you're training with heavy weights that even women get HUGE. Common misconception of course. :)

The "Look"

Yes. I'm talking about the "look". You know the one you get when you are in the kitchen eating AGAIN and aren't hungry. You do the "O.k. am I a.) hungry? b.) bored c.) pissed?" It's always one or the other and yet I'm still stuffing my face! 

People tell me, "ANY one can stop eating!!" Well sure, but when is good enough, not "good enough". Who are you to judge me?

If I can't measure up to my own "goodness" I'm pretty well dang sure I don't measure up to yours! So do me a favor and buzz off. 

To be or not to be

For as long as I can remember, I've always struggled with my weight.

It's like never-ending turmoil within my soul.

I've gone through diet after diet, some work, some don't.

Always thinking, "If I can conquer this, I will like myself!" or

"I won't care what people think about me." So far, neither one of these

things has worked, or helped me out.

People say all that matters is what is inside, but when was the last time

you saw people look around and judge people by their insides. I pray that 

one day I won't care about things like this and that I will be content and happy.

I feel like I'm going about this completely wrong, that I'm treating the effect

and not the "cause". But I'm so lost I have no idea where to go. I've prayed to God

to help me, help me understand why I stuff my face past satisfied, why I don't really 

care what I look like anymore and the fact that when I lose weight and get all the 

attention I so gravely desire, I don't like me then either.