To be or not to be

For as long as I can remember, I've always struggled with my weight.

It's like never-ending turmoil within my soul.

I've gone through diet after diet, some work, some don't.

Always thinking, "If I can conquer this, I will like myself!" or

"I won't care what people think about me." So far, neither one of these

things has worked, or helped me out.

People say all that matters is what is inside, but when was the last time

you saw people look around and judge people by their insides. I pray that 

one day I won't care about things like this and that I will be content and happy.

I feel like I'm going about this completely wrong, that I'm treating the effect

and not the "cause". But I'm so lost I have no idea where to go. I've prayed to God

to help me, help me understand why I stuff my face past satisfied, why I don't really 

care what I look like anymore and the fact that when I lose weight and get all the 

attention I so gravely desire, I don't like me then either.