First Real Test

I had my first 'real test' today. My first real bout with stress, freaking out and just out-right "STUFF my FACE NOW!!!" mentality. 

(Note: You may think that I'm over-reacting but all these stupid post pardum emotions and the depression that swings from one end to the other is VERY hard to deal with sometimes.)

Because Kodi switches between caregivers during my husbands time off, she is used to so many different "norms". Currently she is refusing the bottle and the boob somewhat, so it seems as though she is trying to wean.

For most of you this is no huge deal but for a first time Mommie who just wants her baby to "need" her. This is huge. I bawled and bawled because just one more thing on top of the already growing crap I am dealing with made my world feel like it was caving in. 

I won't go into all the ridiculous details of my menial life, but just to say that my "first real test" was when my gut was to jump up from my chair at work, tears in my eyes, heading for the cafeteria to stuff my face with the first thing I could-get-my-hands-on, came up a win-win for me when I calmed down and thought about the bigger picture. 

I want to be in better shape, NO, amazing shape! So I can keep up with Kodi as she grows, so I can run races with her and teach her how to take care of her body. I had to stop and tell myself it wasn't worth it. 

And it worked, for this time. But that's all I can hope for right? I may not win every battle but I darn well will win the WAR!